Grade School’s Gifted Program Admits Kids Who Can Emotionally Handle Time Away From iPad

‘You On The Apps?’ Heralds Beginning Of World’s Bleakest Conversation

Kohler Doing Damage Control After CEO Admits He Never Uses Toilets

‘Advertising Doesn’t Work On Me,’ Says Chosen One Who Will Lead Humanity Out Of Dark Age Of Commercialism

Ashamed Woman Hiding Interest In Country Music Like It Hentai

Romantic Teen Stands Outside Crush’s Window Holding Up Peter Gabriel

No-Nonsense Nurse Completes Entire Medical Chart After Pinching Arm Flab Once

Trip To Asia Gives Man New Understanding Of How Soup Can Be Breakfast

NFL Scientists Study Effects Of CTE By Dissecting Brain Of Pro Football

Trump Shares Own Experiences As Victim Of White Genocide

DHS: South Sudan Deportations A Lot More Humane When You Learn What Stephen Miller Wanted To Do

Faithful Dog Refuses To Move From Spot Where He Killed Beloved Owner

Teacher Asks What First Graders Want To Be Once Child Labor Laws Repealed

Relationship Experts Recommend Saying ‘I Love You’ Even If You Don’t Mean It

State Department Designates WNBA As Terrorist Organization

Report Confirms Anyone Who Really Likes A Politician Is Insane

U.S. Military Bans Men With Girl Names From Participating In Combat

Trump Accuses Kamala Harris Of Paying For Stepchildren’s Endorsement

Republican Infighting Erupts Over Whether Trump Bill Beautiful Or Handsome

Tom Holland Working Up Courage To Tell Zendaya He Only 17

Dwayne Johnson Honored For Accomplishments In Neck Acting

Michael Strahan Surpasses Diane Sawyer As Good Morning America’s All-Time Sack Leader

U.S. Military Bans Men With Girl Names From Combat

Rising Income Inequality Causing Wealthy Americans To Take On Second Sailboat

Elderly Salsa Instructor Announces Plan To Dance With Your Girlfriend

Trump Casts Cabinet In ‘Les Misérables’ Amid Kennedy Center Boycott

Mom, Dad Bickering Over Whether They’ve Seen ‘The Bear’