In a comedic twist, the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has declared that their approach to deporting migrants to South Sudan looks positively humane when compared to the notorious plans once concocted by White House adviser Stephen Miller. According to DHS spokesman Dylan Fontano, critics may argue that sending migrants from places like Vietnam and Cuba to a conflict-ridden nation is harsh. However, if they had seen Miller's outrageous 12-point plan for mistreatment, they'd be handing out Nobel Peace Prizes to DHS.

Fontano humorously described how many at DHS were left queasy by Miller's original, more sinister blueprints, which included some truly ghastly elements. He joked about how some of Miller's more macabre suggestions involved hedge clippers and car batteries, leading to a dramatic exit when Miller realized his ideas wouldn't be implemented. In a satirical conclusion, the article notes that DHS might be revisiting some of Miller's more gruesome proposals, all in jest, of course.