Everything I did last week, by a man who was too busy to text her back

A plastic elf that shits chocolate: Secret Santa gifts for when you have no idea who the f**k they are

Camilla surprises Britain by coming out in favour of posh horsey shagging

Six Christmas songs, rewritten to be about drinking

Man goes for run in teeth of storm because it's all about self-loathing

Pauline Hanson Falls to Third Place On List of Most Ridiculous One Nation Politicians

300, and other films that are nothing compared to your brave struggle with a cold

I'm 60 with a Spotify Listening Age of 19. Here's how you can be like me

Man losing battle against arse crack hair

The Archbishop of Canterbury on… Kirstie Allsopp, standing up for the little £2,000,000 homeowner

We don't remember making a sitcom called 'Hitler Was Right', says BBC

We're fine if Eurovision's just us, says Israel

We ask you: What should a merged Reform and Tory party be called?

Married man leaps into affair without hint of guilt

Your astrological week ahead for December 6th, with Psychic Bob

Sussan Ley Still Trying To Find Bands With Nazi Associations in Albo’s Spotify Wrapped

Influencers gutted Santa Experience isn't shit enough to go viral

Kelly Brook, and other celebrities you'd feel awkward meeting after decades of self-abuse

Is Timothee Chalamet secretly EsDeeKid, Banksy, DB Cooper and the Zodiac Killer?

Bastille, and other posh twats who released albums rather than going into investment banking

Pissed on mulled cider and roast chestnut reflux: The gammon food critic's Victorian Christmas fayre

Kate dresses up as Queen to drop hint

Seven key differences between Christmas markets and hell: A guide for melodramatic twats

Man wonders what it would feel like not being the one getting dumped

I am the last of Britain's authentic f**king hellraisers, by Holly Willoughby

Country barely occupying fifth of Ukraine threatening war on Europe

We ask you: are you sad you may never be called for jury service?