RESEARCH has found there is no correlation between giving teachers expensive end-of-year gifts and academic performance so parents should not waste their money.

A five-year study showed that whether teachers are rewarded with chocolates, flavoured gin, or nothing at all at the end of the school year makes no difference at all to their teaching or pupils’ educational outcomes.

Parent Jo Kramer said: “I assumed when I handed over a bottle of prosecco in a reused gift bag, I was buying Connor the push that would take him from grade 6 to grade 8.

“Apparently not. Apparently he’s treated like any other kid despite my outlay of £6.50 and writing ‘thanks for all your hard work!’ on the tag. I regard that as fraudulent.”

Parent Julian Cook agreed: “Do they believe we’re giving them a bunch of supermarket flowers out of actual gratitude? What for? Doing their bloody jobs?

“That bouquet was bought on the clear understanding that it would earn Poppy leniency, better marks for her topic about Awesome Animals, and eventually a place at a Russell Group university. I’m glad I found out it was worthless now, while she’s six.”

Teacher Lucy Parry said: “The thing is you give us booze now, we get wrecked for six weeks, we’ve no idea who’s who by September.”