The 12-year-old heir to the throne is moving to big school, but which educational establishment should we pay the fees for him to attend?

Tom Booker, web editor: “My alma mater, Rayner Stephens High School in Dukinfield, which has been failing and shit for 40 years. Because it’s not like he needs qualifications.”

Helen Archer, cartographer: “It is deeply suspicious that even the Royals acknowledge Eton has too many twats to be worthwhile.”

Norman Steele, furrier: “What about one of those Steiner schools where they teach them to be creative and the like? I mean, if it’s good enough for Melinda Messenger’s kids.”

Jo Kramer, psychiatric nurse: “Kate seems to me the homeschooling type, what with her father-in-law leading his own church and her being mental.”

Margaret Gerving, retired: “When do they announce it? Only I don’t want my grandson going there. I’d like him to be in with a chance of being head boy.”