In a surprising turn of events, a new NHS brothel opening in Yorkshire has seen queues stretching almost two miles as eager residents flock to register. The town of Skipton has been without an NHS-registered sexual services facility since 2007, leaving many lower-income residents struggling to afford private services.

James Bates, a local resident, shared his struggles, saying, "I've been doing it myself in the kitchen with an angled mirror and a pair of pliers, but it's not the same." He lamented the long wait times even after registering, saying, "I'm told it'll be four months' wait for a simple polish."

NHS madam Suzie Traherne highlighted the economic challenges, explaining that the government pays on a scale set in 1945. "Someone requiring a full service earns me the same as a simple blowjob, which is economically unviable," she noted.

Bates expressed hope for government reforms, saying, "State-provided municipal sex is just better than private sex. Yes, I'm a socialist."