PRESIDENT Trump has declared all scientific or social progress made during the last 40 years to be null and void because it disagreed with his prejudices.

Apart from a small list of Trump-centred exceptions including the publication of his book The Art of the Deal, the birth of his son Barron, the Rush Hour trilogy of films and his presidencies, all other developments over four decades have been repealed.

Coal is once again the engine of industry, global warming is a fringe theory espoused by crackpots, the Cold War is back on and New York’s gay arts scene is being devastated by a deserved AIDS crisis.

The president said: “Who says time only goes forwards? Progressives. Liberals. Under Trump, we’re turning back the clock.

“The 80s are back, greed is good, the CIA is overthrowing any South American country it wishes to. I am a young, thrusting businessman, the talk of the tabloids, with mistresses and marriages to come.

“Is this bad for the blacks? Yes. Will it clear millions of immigrants from the US at a single stroke? Also yes. President Putin has agreed to pretend to be Communist in exchange for Eastern Europe, so that’s another win-win.

“Everyone knows any changes in the world after your 40th birthday are unwelcome, wrong and a mistake. But only your favourite president has the resolve and power to throw them all out.

“Ghostbusters 2 now never happened. You’re welcome.”