The Prime Minister has hatched a cunning plan to bring down the rising star of the Reform party by joining them himself. Keir Starmer, known for his unique ability to repel loyal voters, is set to defect, hoping his lack of charisma will do the dirty work.

Starmer declared, 'If anyone can make a party less appealing, it's me. Once I'm on their side, even the most dedicated Reform enthusiasts will be running for the hills... or the Greens.' He humorously added, 'I'll even make a spectacle of my defection by tripping across the House floor, exposing polka dot underwear.'

Reform supporter Wayne Hayes mused, 'I never thought I'd be put off by another white man. Maybe my racism's been cured.'