One high-profile inmate at a Melbourne jail has woken up on Christmas morning, only to find that Santa Claus left her plate of cookies suspiciously untouched. Like other good boys and girls across the world, Erin Patterson partook in the Christmas Eve tradition of leaving snacks for Santa Claus outside her cell at the Dame Phyllis Frost Centre in Melbourne’s west. However, upon waking up on December 25th, Patterson was distraught to see that, for some reason, Santa had chosen not to consume the cookies she had baked especially for him.

“I have no idea why he avoided them. I put them on a special plate, just so I knew they weren’t for me,” said an upset Patterson. As well as not touching her food, Patterson had a complaint about the gift she received from Saint Nicholas: “For some reason Santa gave me a food dehydrator, even though I didn’t ask for one. I don’t even know what a dehydrator is, or how to use it for mushrooms.”

“On the bright side, the carrots I left for the reindeer had a few bites in them, so hopefully they enjoyed those.” In unrelated news, Rudolph, Dancer, and Blitzen have all been rushed to Leongatha Hospital in South Gippsland for unknown digestive issues.