An estimated 80 million Americans suffer from hair loss, including thinning and male pattern baldness. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding hair loss. 

MYTH: Genetics are the main cause of hair loss.

FACT: Hair loss is most commonly caused by standing too close to an open flame.

MYTH: Hair loss is permanent.

FACT: For six easy payments of $1,200, nothing is permanent.

MYTH: Baldness is caused by too much testosterone.

FACT: Baldness is caused by too little hair. 

MYTH: If your mom’s father is bald, you’ll be bald.

FACT: If your mom’s father ignores the feeble witch on the side of the road, you’ll be bald.

MYTH: Too much sun can lead to hair loss.

FACT: Hair needs soil, water, and sunlight to grow.

MYTH: Women aren’t attracted to bald men.

FACT: Every woman you’ve ever met is sexually aroused by Stanley Tucci.