The new series of Euphoria features Sydney Sweeney making kinky OnlyFans content, but is it worth watching just for that? No, as these taught us:

Saltburn (2023): Promises Barry Keoghan prancing around, but the novelty wears off. Transgressive scenes, like drinking bathwater, aren’t groundbreaking. You can do similar stunts at home.

Euphoria (2019-2026): Tempting with Sweeney, Zendaya and Elordi, but it’s essentially trauma porn. Want to see terrible things happen to young people? Head to your local bus station.

Don’t Look Now (1973): The sex scene isn’t real and too arty. It’s intercut with mundane montage scenes, so you might climax over Donald Sutherland fiddling with a coat hanger.

The Wolf of Wall Street (2013): Entertaining nonsense, but not worth pausing the muff scene. Jonah Hill’s public masturbation while on Quaaludes will stick with you.

The Singing Detective (1986): If you came for the sex, you’ll find trauma and unlikely arousal from Joanne Whalley applying vaseline to Michael Gambon’s psoriasis.

Wuthering Heights (2025): Features Cathy pleasuring herself on the moors. Even if you’re a fan of Margot Robbie, she looks cold and you wish she’d go indoors.

The Substance (2024): Features Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley in lycra, but it’s a parody of male gaze. It’s like watching Pornhub with actors shaming you mid-scene. For some, that makes it hotter.