ANDY Burnham is being humorously criticized for spending too much time on issues like buses and social care. Apparently, this is not what a prime minister should be focusing on. Here are the 'real' issues Burnham should be tackling instead:

Making Union Jacks acceptable

Burnham should embrace the Union Jack, perhaps even recommend people wrap their flags around pillows. A demonstration on Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg would be ideal.

Banning Kneecap

Kneecap, with their 'anti-genocide' views, are still out there. Burnham should pretend to ban them, which he can't actually do. Oh, and don't forget Bob Vylan!

Smoking and vaping

To make Britain great, Burnham should prioritize hassling smokers and vapers, even though their habits aren't exactly deadly.

Making a twat of yourself

Burnham should learn from Rishi Sunak's photo-op blunder. Perhaps try paying with gold bullion at Asda to show relatability?

Copying Reform

Forget intelligence briefings! Burnham should monitor Nigel Farage and be ready to copy any policy he thinks of, like a potential Cisgender Pride Month.

Free gifts

Voters love a PM who gets freebies. Whether it's holidays or Taylor Swift tickets, Burnham should join in on the perks.

Being working-class

Burnham, already from a working-class background, should up his game. Maybe claim he's the product of a coal miner and a pie?