TRUMP is complaining about a Canadian bridge damaging trade but if it was called the Trump Bridge he would love it. And he’d welcome these too:

The Trump Landfill

Abandoning recycling, Trump turns most of New England into a landfill site to troll liberal voters. ‘Hope you enjoy the garbage trucks!’ he posts while rendering US beauty sites eternally toxic.

The Historic Collapse of the Arc De Trump

Erected with incredible haste and using sub-standard materials, for this is the Trump Way, the 250ft-high Arc De Trump collapses at the opening ceremony killing 133 but leaving its originator unharmed. ‘A disaster they’ll talk about for generations!’ he beams.

The Trumpdemic

With vaccination rates plummeting and disease declared woke, epidemics begin sweeping the US. Bad, until they’re labelled Trumpdemics and become a right-wing must-have.

The Trump Trash Fire

The landfill, now covering more than 200 square miles, catches fire for which Canadians are blamed. ‘Responsible Americans burn their trash!’ says Trump, alongside an AI video showing happy white people cooking burgers on it.

Donald J Trump’s Big Brilliant Electoral Pause Programme

Disappointing results for Republicans in the midterm elections are declared null and void by an executive order, signed with a flourish in blood, declaring them illegal. ‘All elections are hereby Paused until the electorate is deemed to be Trustworthy and Trump-worthy’ says the president.

Trumpian Triage

A press name for the White House policy of letting one in every three Americans die due to disease and soaring food prices, enthusiastically taken up by the president. ‘No more weak, only strong!’ he exults.

The Trump Secession

‘Useless states which NOBODY would live in, such as California, New York, Oregon and others even less popular are leaving the never greater US and forming their own failed country. Good Riddance to them! Wyoming and South Dakota remain on the Trump train!’

The Second Civil War, brought to you by Trump

‘They said a war tearing the country in twain was impossible until TRUMP came along! Now brother has taken up arms against brother, all inspired by one great man! Make Slavery Legal Again!’

The Donald J Trump Overthrow of the United States of America Force

Name the Chinese-Canadian-US Free States army this and Trump will welcome them into the country. Especially when they promise he’ll be held in a solid gold jail. ‘The First Ever such jail, many are saying!’

The Trump Trials

Remember how much he loved his mugshot? Imagine live, televised trials of every member of his administration where they talk about nothing but him all day. Imagine his posts about how they ‘trounced LOSER OJ Simpson in the ratings! Sad!’