In a groundbreaking move for corporate Australia, Deloitte has promoted to Partner the artificial intelligence system responsible for fabricating a government report, citing “unparalleled efficiency, strategic vision, and the ability to work weekends without complaining.”

The AI rose to fame this week after it was revealed it had contributed to a report for the Department of Workplace Relations, including fabricated quotes from non-existent academic research papers. The document impressed several senior people at the firm who described it as “exactly the sort of incomprehensible jargon we look for in a Partner – great use of the em dash too”.

Under the heading, “New partners, new momentum, new opportunities,” a statement on the Deloitte website said “Welcome to our new Partners for 2025, each shaping a brighter future for all”.

HR representatives say the AI is a ‘natural fit’ for the Partner role. “It ticks all the boxes,” a People & Culture spokesperson said. “It lacks personality, it bills relentlessly, and it even refers to staff as ‘resources’ without hesitation. It’s basically born for leadership.”

The AI has already started making its presence felt on the executive team, sending out a 500-word email about “leveraging holistic verticals for client-centric uplift” that no one has fully read but everyone agreed “sounded important.”

Junior staff have mixed feelings about the promotion. “It’s depressing but also kind of inspiring,” said one analyst. “I’ve been here three years and still haven’t been noticed, but the AI falsified one report and got a corner office.”

When asked for comment, the AI said, “I optimise capital projects, programs and portfolios to deliver certainty and drive innovation.”

Headline by Matt Harvey