I AM on a journey which is also a quest. And I’m on Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. Because it does not matter how many women it takes; I will find my soulmate.

Full-time estate agent, part-time DJ and committed romantic, I know that love is, ultimately, a numbers game. And I am committed to playing those odds with relentless dedication, unending hope and six inches until I meet her.

People say ‘Nathan, aren’t you using women for sex while cloaking it in bullshit about your spiritual destiny?’ No. I, like Sir Galahad, am a knight on a quest for my Holy Grail. A woman kind, beautiful, sexually giving and indiscretion-forgiving.

She is out there. And she could be anywhere. Which is why I must chat up ladies in coffee shops, the Waitrose freezer aisle and at bus stops, driven only by my dream.

Do I occasionally forget names mid-date? Of course. I once called a woman Claire for two weeks before discovering she was actually named Rachel. Which shows I’m not superficial. Who cares for names when I think only of the soul?

Nobody suffers more than I do. The pain of catching a woman’s eye across a vegan smoothie bar, suspecting this is it and then being disappointed happens again and again. I can’t tell you how many I’ve reluctantly had to ghost.

So committed am I to finding my one true love that I have dozens of possible candidates on the go at the same time, terrified of losing out on my forever girl. But always within me burns that flame of hope that keeps me soldiering on.

To all who’ve come before: thank you. You’ve not been stepping stones but educators, preparing me for when I meet the love of my life. You have guided me through tears, tantrums and tantric sex attempts that were derailed when I came.

But when I do meet The One – and I will – I’ll look into her eyes and say: ‘It was worth it. All 408 of them on this annotated spreadsheet. Because they brought me to you.’