England managed not to win their recent match, but they've provided a whole host of compelling excuses. Here are the top reasons why the loss wasn't their fault:

‘Whenever we crossed into the box, there was nobody there’

Despite consistently delivering excellent crosses, corners, and free-kicks, the ball always ended up with a Ghana defender. You can't score if there's no one there to hit the back of the net!

‘We couldn’t get close enough to goal to feign being fouled’

England's usual strategy of gaining penalties through dramatic falls in the box was thwarted as they couldn't even get close enough to the goal. All their attempts at passing just didn't cut it.

‘We didn’t want to overshadow Scotland-Brazil’

The England-Ghana match was hardly the highlight compared to Scotland's game against Brazil. England didn’t want to make a Scottish win look insignificant, so they held back.

‘We’re heartbroken about Starmer’

Apparently, the whole squad are devoted centrists, and the political turmoil involving Starmer left them too distraught to focus on football. Heartbreak can ruin even the best game plan.

‘We were over-hydrated’

In their bid to be role models, the England team stayed hydrated to a fault, even though it was raining heavily. They ended up sloshing around the pitch like overfilled water balloons.

‘Trump’s awarding the trophy and that’s put us off’

The news that Trump would present the trophy to the winners was a major buzzkill. The team couldn't bear the thought of sharing their moment of glory with him, so they decided not to win at all.