GO on then, if you’re so convinced of Britain’s credentials as a Christian country, how do we celebrate Palm Sunday? No looking at the New Testament:

Nathan Muir, IT support: “That’s easy. It’s for wanking.”

Emma Bradford, councillor: “It represents Jesus arriving in Jerusalem on a donkey and the crowds throwing palm leaves at his feet. Peter Andre demanded the same to open Hinckley’s skate park.”

Joe Turner, brand manager: “I’ll find out tomorrow morning, I’ve signed up for push notifications from the C of E.”

Nikki Hollis, croupier: “Is this when he fed the five thousand? No? Lazarus? No? Casting out the demons? Walked on water? Water to wine? No? Well what’s the dates for those then?”

Donna Sheridan, cone-layer: “Beginning of Holy Week. Like Pride, but for God botherers.”