LABOUR’S voting age change means today’s 12-year-olds will vote in the next election. How are you readying them for their civic responsibilities? 

Paul Holmes, member for Hamble Valley: “My daughter has been brought up to be well-mannered and grateful, so she will be voting Labour to thank them for their kindness. Galling because I’m a Tory MP, but nonetheless.”

Nikki Hollis, dental nurse: “I shall be turning off The Vampire Diaries and instead they shall watch Newsnight for the next four years. Elsa might resent it but she must be well-informed.”

Susan Traherne, Uber driver: “Children learn from their parents’ example, so I hope Connor has already learned there’s no point bothering because they’re all the bloody same.”

Wayne Hayes, semaphorist: “All teachers are lefties so I shall provide a counter-balancing education at home with regular torchlit Nazi rallies in the back garden. Then they’re free to make up their own minds.”

Norman Steele, radio operator: “Hah! You think Starmer’s going to allow elections? Dream on.”