Waking up with a hangover that feels like his brain has been replaced by a dead goat, the Archbishop of Canterbury reflects on the week's events. His campaign against the Catholic Church, featuring slogans like 'Do you think Jesus Christ is a piece of bread?', was a hit until Pope Leo suggested they focus on bigger issues, leading to a unified message: 'TRUMP IS A CUNT.'

Meanwhile, Melania Trump's surprise statement denying connections with Jeffrey Epstein stirred chaos, with the Archbishop sarcastically suggesting she consult her 'dementia-addled orange genocide gibbon' of a husband.

In politics, Robert Jenrick's comments on race and deportation are criticized, likening him to 'opportunistic pond scum.' The Archbishop also mocks Health Secretary Wes Streeting's warnings about populist parties threatening the NHS, quipping about Labour's unpopularity.

Lastly, the Archbishop celebrates the defeat of Hungary's Viktor Orbán, humorously likening him to a 'hideous, misshapen creation from a kids' animation movie,' while doubting the longevity of this political respite.