With gas prices rising and diesel already unaffordable, one brave soul has taken a stand against the energy crisis by deciding to install a towering 249ft wind turbine in his garden. Why settle for solar panels when you can make a statement with a massive wind turbine?

Our eco-warrior explains that his home is filled with large-screen TVs that never get turned off, and his fleet of Range Rover Evoques, which need to go electric, will be a power drain. Clearly, only a colossal turbine will suffice.

Despite the garden's small size, he plans to squeeze the turbine in alongside the summerhouse, decking, hot tub, and pizza oven. It's mostly about the height, after all.

Luckily, he has some pals in the turbine installation business, offering mates' rates—though finding one that 'fell off the back of a lorry' isn't an option. The plan is to have it up by summer, much to the chagrin of his neighbors who, he humorously claims, can 'piss off' since it's all green and doesn't need planning permission.

With the turbine blades towering at 144 feet, he reassures that they'll easily clear the roofs. Finally, he adds a cheeky note about fending off local kids who might try climbing it to 'scrump' his power with a cricket bat. Goodbye, Middle Eastern oil barons; hello, self-sufficiency!