The freshly appointed leader of the National Party, Matt Canavan, has announced a bold new direction for the party. In an unexpected twist, Canavan emphasized the importance of diversifying their support base beyond the usual suspects of big coal lobbyists. Instead, he wants to woo the whole coal family tree—medium-sized lobbyists, boutique lobbyists, and those freshly minted in the coal lobbying academy.

"For years, smaller coal lobbyists have felt left out, like the last kid picked in a schoolyard game," Canavan declared. "We're here to change that narrative and ensure every coal enthusiast, big or small, has a voice."

The plan involves a comprehensive outreach strategy, engaging with anyone who has coal in their veins, from export consultants to those who just can't stop talking about coal at parties. The initiative aims to show that the party is in tune with the changing dynamics of the coal sector.

Canavan further elaborated, "The modern coal lobbyist is a different beast—youthful, media-savvy, and fluent in buzzwords like 'energy security' and 'technology-neutral policy outcomes.' We want to be their party of choice."

His vision is to transform the party into a beacon for all coal lobbyists, ensuring it remains relevant to the broad coalition of Australians who bank on coal advocacy for their daily bread.