A MAN has awoken from an unsettling dream that England are good, score goals and win knockout games. 

England fan Martin Bishop sat bolt upright this morning, feeling oddly tired, after a long and detailed dream in which England not only scored three times but were able to battle to a win with only ten men, explaining his morning erection.

He said: “It seemed so real. But it can’t have been, because we weren’t shit.

“We scored, a fantastic one from Bellingham, then he scored again almost immediately. Standard dream stuff, usually about this point he gets his hat-trick from a bicycle kick, never lands on the ground and then Harry Kane’s riding an elephant called Maxine.

“But this time none of that happened. Instead it proceeded as a thrilling end-to-end football match, Kane scored a penalty, Quansah got sent off, Mexico put a penalty away but we clung on and actually won. Weirdest of all, it was actually thrilling.

“I did mean to stay up for the game but obviously I dropped off at some point and my mind filled in the blanks. I can’t bear to look at the actual 1-1, extra time, they score in the 115th minute and we barely even try to pull it back result yet. I’ll live the dream a little longer.”

He added: “Also Jordan Henderson got booked and suffered a wrist injury when he wasn’t even playing. Details like that give away it’s nothing but a nonsensical hallucination.”