London is apparently the most perilous place in the country—at least according to your mum, who hasn't been there since the Royal Wedding in 1981. Here's what she imagines happens the moment you step into the city:

Your phone will get stolen: Your phone will be snatched by youths on e-bikes at least five times a day. Apparently, it's a statistical guarantee according to the Mail.

You’ll encounter a migrant: While perfectly nice, these migrants might sell vapes and lack hair-cutting qualifications, leaving your mum baffled as to why they can't be migrants in their own land.

You’ll commit knife crime: From wealth managers to PR girls, everyone indulges in knife crime. Before reaching Cockfosters, you'll find a knife in your pocket and the urge to use it.

You’ll question your entire identity: London's diversity is overwhelming enough to make you reassess your identity and preferences, which somehow sends property prices skyrocketing.

You’ll get gentrified: London will strip away your charming features, replacing them with expensive glass-and-steel, leaving you out of place back home.