Danny Dyer expertly blended emotion, Cockney pride, West Ham fandom, and liberal obscenities in his speech at his daughter’s wedding yesterday. With all the flair of a true East End geezer, he started off addressing the guests as 'muppets' and cheekily suggested the wedding wouldn't have happened if West Ham had been relegated.

Declaring his daughter a princess, he humorously lamented the lack of a TV broadcast due to 'cheap' ITV4. Dyer reminisced about his daughter's time on Love Island and joked about her ending up with a different bloke, who he deemed a 'proper geezer' despite a stint for fraud.

Praising the groom's football prowess, he set the bar high with a touch of self-deprecation, likening his own national treasure status to a 'Spitfire ace’s moustache.' He proclaimed the Dyer family supreme in the arts of EastEnders, reality TV, and football, leaving room for darts in the future.

He thanked the guests, including Britain's 'hardest men,' and humorously pointed out a roped-off area for fights, citing health and safety. Finally, he introduced the couple’s first dance to the romantic tune of Rabbit by Chas and Dave, sealing the speech with a celebration of 'real romantic facking verities.'