The Central Intelligence Agency is in a bit of a pickle trying to figure out the best way to tell Trump that opening up a third front on as many continents might be just a tad risky.

National security officers are racking their brains on how to let the president know that his ambitious plans to kidnap the Venezuelan president, invade Greenland, and strike Iran all at once might be biting off more than he can chew.

CIA director Norman Steele commented, “Even when we were audaciously anti-Communist, we did it one at a time. Doing everything at once? I mean, is this some kind of Gen Z ADHD?”

“We’ve entered a post-bullshit-ideas era. The thought of using sock puppets to explain geopolitical tensions would have been unthinkable, even during the George W Bush era, but we’ve strayed far from that golden age of intellectualism.”

Security chief Stephen Malley added, “We need to tell Trump that three wars at once is two wars too many. And that’s not even counting the ongoing war on any US city that elected a Democrat.”

“I’ve tasked an intern with condensing millennia of military history into a catchy four-word slogan that fits on a baseball cap. So far, we’ve got ‘too much war bad’, ‘one war at once’, and ‘is Iran your problem?’ None of them quite hits the mark.

“It’s already a mess. Can we just tell him we bombed the baddies, like we did with Nigeria on Christmas Day? He seemed satisfied with that.”